Detonation

Years after leaving the first man I ever loved
he told me, You taught me some people are worth forgiving
even though I had nothing to be sorry for.
I can still remember his apartment – the single bed –
the girl who slept there when I did not
– and how such small body could cast such a large shadow
that even now, she eclipses his name in my mouth,
so monumental that I can recall her face better than his.
And he forgives our innocence; that I believed his words
better than his actions, and his kisses better than his silence;
that she could not stop her body from ticking like a bomb
his hands itched to disarm, knowing full well she could blow us
both away.
And I don’t hate her.
I can still hear her ticking sometimes in my dreams.
Can see her flashing
00:03
00:02
00:01
I want to tell her that I’m sorry
her heart looked so much like mine that in the dark
he could not always tell us apart –
I want to tell her that I would know her anywhere
and I hope her 00:00
felt as good as mine did
the day that I detonated.

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